Oh Donald....

Greetings All!
I am back after an extended hiatus! Been working on discovering who I am and dealing with my past traumas. Not progressing too quickly at this point. And then along came Donald J Trump. He and his disgusting comments and attitudes about women have stirred some reactions in me that I have not felt or dealt with in a very long time. Watching debate number 2 I felt sick to my stomach with just the idea of seeing him and hearing his voice.  As a survivor of sexual abuse from childhood as well as rape as an adult, I found his comments and attitudes horrific. I watched that debate with my stomach in my mouth and feeling as if I would vomit at each word. And when he started walking up behind Sec. Clinton in an almost stalking type of motion, I just wanted to scream. At one point I actually told him to get away from her!
It took me until I was 59 years old to tell a therapist about my abuse and to tell my secret publicly and to family members until just recently. I am 64 years old and still recovering from experiences that occurred when I was about 5 years old! So now I am experiencing my old issues once again. Loss of trust, fear of strangers, feeling removed from my family. And the coping mechanisms are back in full swing, especially dissociation. This is one of my diagnoses along with PTSD and recurrent , moderate depression. Dissociating has been a lifelong coping mechanism. I can leave (missing time) for minutes, hours, days, even years. Sometimes it just clicks in for no reason whatsoever and that is a problem. Someone else comes in for me and I leave for a while. I still appear to be the same me to others but as I spend minimal time with others they may not notice differences in attitude, etc. But when I come back, I can tell that someone else has been making decisions or taking action. I find things in my house that I am unfamiliar with or cannot find things in the places I remember putting
 them in.
Now you may ask, why don't people notice a difference? Well, I know that people in general can act in a particular way for a couple of hours at a time if they need to. It is like running a con of sorts. Granted this "con" is supposed to be keeping me mentally safe and sound but it can also create confusion and trouble. Sounds crazy but it is how I move through my life. And as seeing a therapist/psychiatrist is not in my budget, I have turned to gathering books about my conditions and am doing my best to figure this thing out and what I can do to fix myself or at least get a grip on this situation. Wish me luck! :-\
So thanks Donald for setting me off again and forcing me to deal with all of this. AND by the way, those ladies that have accused you, they are coming forward now because you have stirred up these feelings that they had buried. Thanks. And I never want to see or hear you ever again after the election is over!!

Stay safe everyone and please vote!!!