Oh Donald....

Greetings All!
I am back after an extended hiatus! Been working on discovering who I am and dealing with my past traumas. Not progressing too quickly at this point. And then along came Donald J Trump. He and his disgusting comments and attitudes about women have stirred some reactions in me that I have not felt or dealt with in a very long time. Watching debate number 2 I felt sick to my stomach with just the idea of seeing him and hearing his voice.  As a survivor of sexual abuse from childhood as well as rape as an adult, I found his comments and attitudes horrific. I watched that debate with my stomach in my mouth and feeling as if I would vomit at each word. And when he started walking up behind Sec. Clinton in an almost stalking type of motion, I just wanted to scream. At one point I actually told him to get away from her!
It took me until I was 59 years old to tell a therapist about my abuse and to tell my secret publicly and to family members until just recently. I am 64 years old and still recovering from experiences that occurred when I was about 5 years old! So now I am experiencing my old issues once again. Loss of trust, fear of strangers, feeling removed from my family. And the coping mechanisms are back in full swing, especially dissociation. This is one of my diagnoses along with PTSD and recurrent , moderate depression. Dissociating has been a lifelong coping mechanism. I can leave (missing time) for minutes, hours, days, even years. Sometimes it just clicks in for no reason whatsoever and that is a problem. Someone else comes in for me and I leave for a while. I still appear to be the same me to others but as I spend minimal time with others they may not notice differences in attitude, etc. But when I come back, I can tell that someone else has been making decisions or taking action. I find things in my house that I am unfamiliar with or cannot find things in the places I remember putting
 them in.
Now you may ask, why don't people notice a difference? Well, I know that people in general can act in a particular way for a couple of hours at a time if they need to. It is like running a con of sorts. Granted this "con" is supposed to be keeping me mentally safe and sound but it can also create confusion and trouble. Sounds crazy but it is how I move through my life. And as seeing a therapist/psychiatrist is not in my budget, I have turned to gathering books about my conditions and am doing my best to figure this thing out and what I can do to fix myself or at least get a grip on this situation. Wish me luck! :-\
So thanks Donald for setting me off again and forcing me to deal with all of this. AND by the way, those ladies that have accused you, they are coming forward now because you have stirred up these feelings that they had buried. Thanks. And I never want to see or hear you ever again after the election is over!!

Stay safe everyone and please vote!!!

We Grieve

We are a grieving nation once again. This time we grieve the deaths of 8 adults and 20 small children. And we may never know the reason why. As a people we need to take action to avoid this type of horrendous action ever occurring again. And the gun lobby will be busy trying to prevent any gun laws from being effective. It is time that the regular American out there refuse to let this tragedy pass without doing something about it.

Let us wake up and do what is necessary to protect our greatest blessing and resource: our children.

Greetings!
It is the beginning of November, our month of thanksgiving. It is a time of various family rituals to begin the holiday season. For some of us it marks the beginning of a very stressful time. More people kill themselves during the holidays than at any other time of year.
So fellow travelers let's try and stay calm this season. If you need help, it is out there for you. Refuse to buy into all the forces out there who try to make you spend more than you have. 
Just enjoy the people around you who make you feel good and avoid those who beat you down. 
Take care of yourself and be your own best advocate.

Greetings Fellow Travelers!

I have a short message to post. My sixth grandchild arrived!!!! His name is Louis Harbin Lo was born on October 16, 2012 at 11:47 am. He is a big boy coming in at 9lbs. 2oz. but he is beautiful. A long time ago someone told me that children are the reason that God keeps the world going.

Love your babies everyone!

Back Again

Here I am again. I do not know if anyone else is reading this or not but it doesn't matter in the big picture. I am in the process of not so much recreating myself as discovering who I am. Yes, I have been through a great deal but those things got me a couple of diagnoses that give me a base from which to form my true me by processing these events and their consequences. Gods know that all of us go through life and experience various traumas. Some of us handle them well - others not. Some of us are resilient and deal with our traumas; others are buried by their traumas.
I am taking a proactive approach these days to my traumas. Granted some of these are in my past but they do keep rearing their ugly heads.
The reason my house burned down is, I believe, to clear my slate and start over. In every area of my life.
Fellow travelers keep up the good fight...

Life and what we make of it

This is to open the conversation on our lives and what we are making of it. Two months ago I lost everything in a house fire. Everything other than the clothes I was wearing at the time. I lost everything. I lost photos, videos, books, clothes, Important papers, phone numbers and addresses. I lost my pets, one of which, Chase my dog, alerted me to the fire. If not for him I would be dead. Needless to say this was a tragic day for me. But in the midst of all that destruction came the intangibles that we seldom think about. I had no shoes and a neighbor went and got me some socks and shoes to wear. Another got me a chair to sit in as I watched the fire destroy my home. One neighbor saw the house on fire, saw the tires of my car in the garage and was going to go and get me out of my house because she did not see me and figured I was still in the house. Her husband had to hold her back. She had tears in her eyes when she saw me coming out from the back of the house with a police officer who found me in the backyard. My son and my sister driving for 2 hours to get me to the safety of family. I could go on and on about the family, friends and neighbors who took care of me at a very traumatic time for me. There are so many people who worked to see that I was cared for from firefighters to insurance agents (Nationwide is on your side!), to friends and family and people I had only known from seeing them when I walked my dog. We are looked after by more people than we will ever know and so I have decided to take this opportunity and live my life to the fullest and to acknowledge every kindness and to pay it forward when I can.

So dear reader feel free to take courage from these words of mine and live your life to the fullest. Let others know of your good fortune and tell those you love how much they mean to you.